the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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