i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
is it fun? or sober?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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