On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
