Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH