There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
