just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"