Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
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He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
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Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.