i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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