i was born a porn star she said
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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