a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
