wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
