yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
