the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
