I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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