How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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