I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.