One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
