Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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