And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
These 19 Sad People Chose Video Games Over Sex
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..