I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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