walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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