They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
