I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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