Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
this hospital has no fireball
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
