It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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