I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
