I wanna bring you to show and tell
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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