she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
