Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
