So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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