I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Two words: nipple clamps
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