The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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