so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She needs sedatives and a leash
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
