So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
