guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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