i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
