a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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