Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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