so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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