He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
