maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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