You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
