Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
