Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
