i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
