I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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