So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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