My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
