she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
