tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
