i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
