i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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