I'm eating all of the evidence.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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