her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
