I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
