hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize