Will you blow on my dice?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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