Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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