The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
