singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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