At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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