I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
