Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
