woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
