Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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