Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
