Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
