where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize