eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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