I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
