After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
