just come out here and I will go home with you...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize