i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
