I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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