why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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