I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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