Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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